we live in deeds, not years; in thoughts not breaths..in feelings, not figures..we should count our time by heart beats. he who most lives-who thinks most-feels the noblest acts the best..find those unwilling to supress the genius that you are creating..find one who speaks gently, you and i, thee and me, both know it is better to rule with rationality than fear..

sometimes i pause and sadly think of things that might have been, of the golden chances i let slip by..ones that have never returned.. the joys that might have been mine,the goals i almost won...sometimes when i feel hurried or diamayed i have to remember..that sweet are the thoughts that savor content..the lonliness that serenades the cities and hails upon your window like a loyal heart, yet so hard to find like honesty in a jealous lover. looks onward with quiet eyes..?..the joy of incompleteness..?..

stop to think about the days that have passed out mothers by..how they haunt our reason with anger and frustration. then i embrace the discontent i have found this very day...pondering...if i knew you and you knew me...if we were both given the gift of sight..im sure that we would differ less...our thoughts might agree. though many deeds that i have committed seem foolish, rash, calus...i saw the divinity, the purity that you grace this suffering suburbia with...

i awoke this morning thinking, 'let me do something today that will take away the sadness from which my memories exist of another.'..

we flatter those who we scarcely know..giving me the advantage in this uncalled for (possibly unwanted)-(maybe unread) letter. whatever has been, is a finished sum, whatever will be, why it will come.and so i do see that you have the past and the yet to be.today a future of yesterday and the past of tomorrow

i still recall when our courting was anew..every moment seemed perfectly orchestrated, and my heart became a field of wild flowers..a dream most of the time..nothing more..the same naivity that pleaded and pulsed my heart, later became a whirpool of dismay..and yet more and more of these sentiments will die amoung the long hot days of summer, assured to you and the rest of the unsightly world.

here in the quiet of my room..i apologize for requested so much of you...im sorry for expecting love, but keep in mind this is my first time... but most of all im mad at myself everytime i imagine you with someone new...someone touching you the way i did..feeling you now as i cant..making them joyous as you made me...i can hardly bare the thought of someone making love to you...and i hate myself when it crosses my mind that that should be me...how selfish i can be...ive moved on physically to others, but they all feel and remind me of you...like i explained ive never felt this way...i never wanted to but i wanted it from you...i think thats the biggest compliment i could ever give you...

maybe this letter will fall upon deaf ears, or now a muted heart towards the unfortunate sender..the mind has a thousand eyes and the heart but one.

the sound of your laughter, distant yet echoing somewhere in the back of my mind..the torn memories of penetration and the carelessness that you feel for me. people go off their seperate ways..some go off in groups,others stay with a life more familiar..and there are those who trek off alone into the unknown..

impermanence is all things that bestow our days and nights..our lagging years and annoyances we find in complete strangers..each chases his own dream strangely meeting another..then our past and our dreams, they blend like green leaves and golden flowers-into one beautiful whole..and life's endless nights come to an end and what lies beneath a ceaseless day.

maybe this is my last attempt before uncertainity sets in and grows old.. harbored disdain...but i knew i must say something even if it was just that i didnt know what to say..i spologize if this is boring you or brought you unclarified emotions..

i hope you have found someone who fufills your expectations of what should be..

someone willing to sacrifice just to be with you...to let themselves share you...

my memories of you, of us, ill never share...i am only left with memories, a cd you made with the first song 'make love to me forever' and dearest i will in a different way...and the countless pictures of your body, your grace, and your head upon my pillow...these are the only things i have left...the only way i have you is through these things...i never wanted memories i only wanted you...

just me